CHAPTER 1
Antonio could not believe he was sitting here in this office. If only he could have seen this coming all those years ago when he first set eyes on Teresa he would have never made the mistake of continuing on with the conversation that led to this unfortunate present day location. He could not help but think how beautiful she looked on that day long ago on the campus of their alma mater. Now here they both sit in an office of this marriage counselor trying to breathe life back into this obviously failing marriage. Both pretending at attempts to turn it around from its obvious collision course to oblivion; Antonio was taking this step to save his marriage but was not working hard only going through the motions. Teresa placed many of her personal dreams on hold in an effort to support him and his dreams. She realized that because of his past reckless indiscretions that at any time her entire world could come crashing down around her. Antonio knew that one out of every two marriages failed. His teenage demons put a strain on his marriage and made him susceptible to temptation. He is determined to save his marriage at any cost. In fact, as he sat in the counselor’s office, in hopes that she could tell him why the marriage was worth saving; Antonio knew that after all these years he still loved Teres. His love for her was never the problem. The issues went as far back as to college and until they dealt with that, they would never move on with their marriage. Antonio sat in the waiting room next to the woman who made him the man he is today. He could not help but think of how trapped he felt in this office. Very few paintings lined the office walls; the only real thing that gave this office character was a handcrafted sculpture of a woman dressed in a single piece wrap that covered her entire body from her breast down to her ankles. She wore a head wrap and there huddled around her knees was a small toddler. They both wore the same outfit. The mother and the child both pointed their index fingers to the stars. There were two ferns in opposite corners of the room; a leather couch and two leather love seats sat across from each other. There was no receptionist sitting in this part of the office, it appeared to be a prep room for the victims to either begin the healing or complete the break up.
It seemed they had been waiting for a half-hour already, but in reality they had only been there for maybe ten minutes. Antonio wondered if anyone knew they were there. Antonio was usually a patient man, but in this instance he was losing his patience; as much as he wanted his marriage to work with Teresa he was not ready to face her or to hear how she felt that he had failed her in the marriage. With all these years behind them Antonio felt that he still did not know his wife Teresa. On some level Antonio felt that because Teresa was still with him she also felt some responsibility for the failure of the marriage. He could not deal with the fact he may really be the cause of their breakup; and yet because Teresa loved him so much she would allow herself to live with him in a state of depression. Antonio knew that Teresa felt that it was up to her to save the family.
A door to what appeared to be the doctor’s office swung open and a very attractive young woman stepped into the room and announced that the doctor was ready to see them. Antonio was relieved; he felt it was about time. He could not help but notice the youth of the woman who led them into the doctor’s office. He guessed that she was probably an intern, maybe in her third year of a doctoral program. He calculated that she could be no more than twenty-five years old, Antonio could not help himself, and she was very beautiful. Antonio noticed the firmness of her breast and the muscle tone of her arms and legs. He knew she trained regularly. The only question floating around his mind was; where did she work out and if she had a man and if so would she be willing to cheat on him? Antonio would never have asked these questions with Teresa standing anywhere within earshot. He was curious to know who this young woman was, she was obviously a special lady and Antonio in any other setting would have taken the time to find out all he could about her. She wore a light blue turtleneck sweater that accentuated her breasts and a gray skirt, which made her hips more pronounced, with a pair of gray stockings and dark black pumps. He was happy to follow her, his imagination was running wild. He was happy to do whatever she commanded of him. The young student led them to an inner office, showed them to several seats and left them to wait on the doctor to return. She informed them that the doctor would be with them in a moment and to make themselves comfortable. The first thought on Antonio’s mind was that he and Teresa would have to hurry up and wait again. This would not to be the case as the door opened just as soon as it closed and stepping through the door was an older woman maybe in her late fifties. Her hair was graying, but she carried her age well. She wore an ankle length skirt, with a matching long sleeve blouse. She wore a silver crucifix, which fell about mid breast around her neck.
“Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Stiles, my apologies for being late; this morning has been so busy. I know this was not the best time for you Mr. Stiles considering your schedule. It definitely took a lot to get us all here together so with that being said; Mrs. Stiles how about you begin? But before you do let me say this; I can not help either of you unless you want to be helped. I am not a miracle worker, I leave that for Jesus. The only thing I can do is help each of you find the words that you need to say to each other to help the healing begin.”
Antonio could not believe they had not said a word and this so-called doctor was already saying what she could not do. He could not believe he was paying her two hundred fifty dollars an hour. Antonio knew this was a bad idea before they ever came to this office. Their marriage did not have any more problems than any other in this country. He felt that they could work it out like everyone else. His parents and their parents had problems and they never went to a marriage counselor to get someone else to solve them. His parents had been together for forty plus years and his grandparent’s sixty years. If they needed advice they could have gone to his family. “Why don’t we start with you Mrs. Stiles?”
Teresa seemed somewhat hesitant, she began telling the doctor what was wrong with Antonio and their marriage and he began to think he had never done anything right by her. Antonio decided that no matter what was said he would come into this session with an open mind and listen to any concerns Teresa was willing to disclose. After all she was the real reason he had become so successful this soon in his career. She had sacrificed her own aspirations of becoming a nurse, so that he could realize his dream of becoming an attorney. It was evident that now that she had put her career on hold so that he could get his start he was slowly distancing himself from her and their baby girl.
As Teresa talked Antonio could see she was fighting hard to maintain her composure. Teresa never lost control to the point where she became one thing she hated most of all, which was ghetto. He could tell she had rehearsed this conversation many times prior to this meeting with the doctor. In fact many of the concerns she was sharing with the doctor she had already addressed with Antonio, but since she felt he was not ready to listen Teresa thought this setting would get his full attention.
“Well I must say that it has not been easy being married to Antonio. For one thing he does not listen to me anymore and I try desperately to tell him how I feel, but it seems he never has the time for us like he used to….”
The way Teresa went on Antonio felt their entire relationship was all wrong and he was the spawn of Satan. He was determined to give her this opportunity to get everything off her chest and no matter what was said he would not allow his emotions to take control of him. She made it seem as if he had never sacrificed anything to make their marriage work. She made it seem from the moment they met in college their whole love affair was destined to fail. Antonio listened attentively to her concerns but the more she talked he began to get anxious and wanted to have his turn to let her know how he felt about her new liberation. “Mr. Stiles, are you listening to your wife and her issues?”
“Yes, I’m listening to her talk.”
“You see what I mean doctor, anytime someone questions him he gets a violent attitude that’s why I can’t talk to him anymore. It used to be so different in the beginning but now he has changed so much I don’t know who I’m married to anymore.”
Antonio could not believe Teresa was crucifying him so badly in front of this woman. She had never told him anything that he had not acted upon within a timely manner. Antonio felt he had given her everything she had wanted out of life. “Doctor I have broken my back giving Teresa everything she ever wanted out of this life. I mean all she talked about in college was one day having her own house, car, and child and now she has it all. Never once was I included in her pretty picture of the future. She never talked about what she wants us to have; no it was always what Teresa wanted. So I have given her everything she wanted.”
“Antonio, that is what I mean, I never wanted any of those things without you being a part of my life.”
“Yeah, whatever, all I know is that no matter how I look at it things have always been the way Teresa wanted them.”
“That’s insane do you hear yourself Antonio, I have put all of myself into you. I went against my family to be with you Antonio.” Tears of pain began to run down Teresa’s cheeks even though she tried to keep her emotions in check. The tone of her voice began to change as she talked. Silently the doctor handed her a tissue; as she continued Antonio became more attentive and his eyes bulged out of his head as he watched his mild mannered wife transform. “I put my entire career on hold for you, you son-of-bitch so that you could get through law school. If I had listened to my family I would have been a nurse right now; but when you asked me to hold off I agreed even when my family told me not to, but you are my husband and I truly believe in this marriage and I believed in you so I waited. So don’t you sit there and say that it is whatever I want.”
“You see doctor she gets hysterical and I can’t get a word in, but I’m the one that does not listen. Everything she is referring to concerning my going to law school and her willingly deciding to put her career on hold so that I could go ahead and complete law school was not all my decision. I would have supported Teresa with anything she decided to do, but the only thing she elected to do was stay home and raise the baby.” Teresa began to turn red with anger as she sat there and listened to Antonio try to convince everyone around him and even himself that he was the sole victim and everyone around him was not willing to make sacrifices. The muscles on the back of Teresa’s neck began to tighten and she began to withdraw into that place in her mind that even though she was there physically she was a million miles away. Antonio could recognize when his wife began to move into her shell. “You see what I mean, doctor look at her she can’t deal with the truth.” The doctor glanced in Teresa’s direction and did not notice any real change in her appearance, except that she was gazing out the window.
Antonio went on for another thirty minutes trying to explain to the doctor how Teresa never fully supported him in any of his efforts at greatness. In all of their ten years together Antonio was attempting to explain and convince the doctor that nothing in their relationship had been a success. Teresa was quite accustomed to this type of behavior Antonio was displaying. In reality she had been with Antonio those ten years and whenever he felt he had been proven wrong; it was at that point he began to try and persuade whoever would listen that he was right and everyone else was wrong. Teresa still loved Antonio very much and could not help her emotional attachment to him. After all he was the father of her daughter and every time she looked in her little girl’s eyes she saw Antonio. Teresa continued to gaze out the window searching for answers to some of her most disturbing questions about her marriage to Antonio and there were none for her to see.
* * * * *
The rays of sunlight that shined through the window allowed Teresa to escape into her mind’s eye, and away from the pain of this present situation, it helped her return to the days when she made one life long friend and met the man that had in these recent years caused her to question why she did not stay with number six and let number seven sink to the bottom of that ocean of faces that laced the halls of The University. When Teresa stepped into the gym of Chappie James with the intent on registering for her freshman classes she stepped through those doors and was hit in the face by the sea of thousands of crabs trying to get registered at the same time. They were everywhere in the stands on the floor of the gym with the computer terminals and signs, which displayed the different classes that were available to anyone who was willing to commit them to the acquisition of higher education. The Daniel Chappie James gym was a huge place and in reality this was the first time she had ever been away from home. It was true that she could have called her mother and father anytime and told them she had changed her mind about being here. It was not all bad she had her sister right there with her one year ahead of her. That fact made things a little bit easier those first few weeks for her, but in time Teresa knew she would have to make her own mark on the college. Since she was a freshman or crab as the term was used to describe the statue of a first year student; Teresa understood she would have a great time here among the young men and women. She thought she would be completely prepared for whatever would come her way while negotiating the hallways and avenues of this new home.
While she stood in the doorway to the gym trying to get her navigation system to work correctly, a freshmen student leader told Teresa where to begin the registration process. The student pointed down to the gym floor. Teresa could see that the crowd was so thick she could not see the actual gym floor. Teresa made her way through the crowd, she had already written down what she intended to take this first semester. She began to set her sights on the business department’s accounting class sign. Although she wanted the nursing program she felt a little money management would never hurt.
The computer terminal she needed to register for her classes did not seem that far from her current position, so she quickly mapped out the quickest route to her target and began to move out. She stepped down into a sea of people moving in every direction. She began to see what it must feel like to be a salmon trying to swim upstream against an impossible current. She refused to be denied so she began to duck and move around the obstacles as if she was a star running back heading for the end zone with a thousand linebackers all on her heels. Her destination was in sight and to her surprise no one was in that line, out of nowhere a stranger suddenly stepped out of the shadows and began to make her move for Teresa’s open computer terminal. Although no words came out of her mouth, they locked eyes on each other and then they shifted their gaze to the open line at the accounting computer terminal.
Teresa knew from the beginning that she would beat the girl to the line. She had the appearance of a city girl who was much too pretty to get her clothes dirty, but if she intended to get in line she would have to be willing to take some risk. Time slowed as they moved in unison for the same prize but out of the corner of Teresa’s eye and directly from her challenger's rear came some guy who looked like a football linebacker. He pushed them both out of the way as he made his way to the open computer. The girl’s papers were knocked out of her hands as she was pushed into Teresa who dropped everything. They went down together to retrieve their books and scattered papers when they stood up and they had become best friends. “My name is Teresa and it looks like both of us will have to wait now.”
“That’s okay, I do need that class for my major but I’m sure there will be room for at least one more seat.”
“I hope so for your sake I was only signing up to learn some other use for the money I intend to make once I get out of nursing school.”
“That’s pretty smart but I want to be the one who balances the books of my own business and not have to worry about anyone cheating me out of my dreams. By the way my name is Audrey.”
They found a place at the end of the line to wait. The line moved slower than molasses in the winter. It was okay with them, because it gave them some time to become acquainted with each other. It seemed Audrey was from New York and her mother was a graduate of The University and she was just following in her mother’s footsteps. She was happy to meet a black woman who was determined like her to show the world that sisters can contribute to the cause without leaning so hard on the brothers. Audrey told her about her plans to own her own construction firm and that she wanted to be the first black woman to have a company on the Forbes Fortune One Hundred companies list. Teresa decided that since there was only one seat left in the class that she would let her new friend take it and she would wait until next semester. They helped each other for the rest of the day. They decided to rest and let the crowd thin out.
“Girl! I have got to sit down my feet are killing me.” Audrey was prepared for the long day of standing and waiting, but Audrey had not been warned of the toll this day of registration was going to take on her body, specifically her feet.
“Well it seems you aren’t the only one who needs a break, look at that brother out there entertaining the crowd, Teresa.”
Teresa noticed him first and could not help but see that he was making a complete ass out of himself and to her surprise it did not seem to bother this brother that everyone that was sitting in this area of the gym were laughing at him. Teresa could not help but notice that this guy was completely bald.
“As long as he stays over there with those people he will be doing us a big favor.” Teresa said as she glanced at the brother.
“I don’t know it looks like he might be checking you out girl.”
“I’m not remotely interested in that brother and I hope he does not make me have to tell him face to face.” Teresa was not sure if she was trying to convince herself or Audrey that no matter what this guy intended by looking in her direction she had no desire to have anything to do with him no matter how funny he happened to be. Teresa watched him slowly begin to move in her direction and she wanted to get up and move in the opposite direction. Audrey was busy watching this guy make a fool of himself. He closed the gap between them so quickly that before Teresa could develop a getaway plan he was already standing in front of her. She wanted to escape, but she didn’t want it to appear that she was running from him.
“Excuse me sisters, but do you have any words for a brother?”
Teresa stared at him for a moment and then replied, “Yes we have many words for a brother, but since you are a clown we have none for you.”
“Oh! That hurts sister; those are pretty harsh words from a sister with such an afrocentric style.”
“I don’t know brother, you seem to be playing the part of the clown.”
“I see, well you know I can only play the part offered to me and the rest; well it is only natural.”
Teresa was slowly making her exit, away from him, although there was something about this brother’s quick wit that forced her feet to remain in place and match wits with this clown. “You say it’s natural I don’t think your parents sent you down here to be campus entertainment for the next four years. In fact I’m sure if they knew you were using their hard earned money to make your comedy debut they might have a problem.”
“Maybe not, seeing as how my major is Pre-law and as far as being the entertainment goes I think my parents would be happy to see I’m adjusting well to my new home.”
He had a cleverness about him that made a small spark in Teresa’s lower abdomen. This did not matter because she was out to prove that this guy was a fool and no matter how many laughs he got out of the crowd he would get nothing but pure rejection from her. She did not know it at the time, but this was the beginning of a lasting relationship. “You know something stranger?”
“Antonio.”
He stood there in his faded blue jeans and a red shirt with gold letters that had long since faded. Teresa could see her reflection on the top of his head as she stood over him from the gym bleachers and with him standing on the gym floor she felt it was time she stopped playing with him and gave him his walking papers.
“Antonio what!”
“That is my name Antonio. I feel that if you intend to address me you might want to call me by my name.”
“Oh you do! Well Antonio.”
He began to grin at her and shake his head from side to side because he knew he had beaten her. He had accomplished his goal of getting under her skin to the point that she knew that he was thinking he only needed one more moment and he would have her.
“Antonio is it; well let me tell you one thing. The moment you strode yourself in this direction with that foolishness it was evident to me that you had a problem that began at childbirth. Which began when your parents decided to keep you instead of sending you back to wherever you came from? Unfortunately for them they made that mistake, but I don’t intend to stand here and give credence to this nonsense that you are using to get attention from strangers that never knew you before you strode your ass through the door. If that is how you want to start your college career off here then that is you, but I don’t want to be a party to your insanity.”
“Are you done sister?”
“I don’t know it depends on what comes out of your mouth next.”
Teresa was beside herself with rage that this man had come over there and tried to use her for his pleasure. She was not about to let him get away with anything that would remotely let him take away from her character as a woman.
“Well sister I believe you have misunderstood my intentions. In fact Sister I have noticed you for most of the day and well I could not think of another way at the moment to get your attention. It was not my intention to upset you, I really only wanted to know your name.”
“Teresa Watkins.”
“Well Miss Watkins I hope my antics have not destroyed any chance I might have had in getting to know you better.”
Teresa wanted to smile, but she had to maintain her straight face. She wanted Antonio to take her seriously, just in case she saw him again. “What have I said or done today that would give you the impression that I would ever have anything to do with a clown like yourself.”
Teresa’s words stung considering that a small crowd had gathered around the two of them. Audrey was still sitting down next to her friend and Antonio had brought a small group over with him. Teresa was playing to the crowd and at the same time getting her message out that she did not come down here to school for anything other than getting her education.
“Well I can’t say I saw you do anything that gave me any kind of impression that you would be for or against me.”
Let me make this easy on you Antonio. I'm really not interested in anything you have to say.” Teresa turned to Audrey to gather the rest of her books and papers. She and Audrey began to leave. Antonio knew that if he did not say something quickly he might lose this chance to get her thinking about him as a potential boyfriend considering he was on a campus full of prospective guys who would do anything to get the notice of such a lovely sister.
“You know Miss Watkins, it seems to me that you may have a slight problem with your ability to adjust to your new atmosphere.”
Teresa stops in her retreat even though her back was turned and she was in her mode of escape she still gave him a bit of her ear. To be honest with herself she wanted to see if he had more wit about him than stupidity.
“I mean to tell you the truth you are rather sexy, but you lack the thing that holds all the other characteristics in place.”
Teresa had no intention of responding to anything he had to say, but he drew her attention and with the crowd already hanging on his every word she knew she had to give the people what they wanted. She spun her body around to face him even though she had the advantage of height over him because of her position in the stands. Somehow he brought her to his level because of his direct eye contact. “So what is it you think I’m lacking that you can enlighten me on?”
“Well Miss Watkins I think you lack what the old folks call, humility.”
“What if anyone needs to be the center of attention sweetheart other than you are the man?”
“Maybe so, but what you need is a little TLC to get those young joints working right.”
“Tender Love and Care from your sorry ass?”
“Yes Miss Stiles, tender, love, and care.”
Teresa was beside herself with anger at this clown he had gotten her to join in his foolishness to entertain the crowd and for all her attempts to stay out of his clown session he had pulled her into his world. “And I suppose you are the one to help me reach that goal.”
“You never can tell stranger things have happened. I mean you’re standing there with that blue Jean short jumpsuit on, with that faded Bob Marley T-shirt, and those black Nike high top gym shoes. Not to mention those African braids in your hair, just might lead a brother to believe that part of your reason for coming down here was to find you a Mandingo Warrior.”
Teresa finally saw her opening to shut this fool up for good. She decided to use his own vanity against him and put him down hard to teach him a lesson and get him out of her face. “So you think I’m here looking for that African Warrior to save a poor little sister like me?”
“Yea, I do”
“And I bet you think you’re the one warrior no woman can turn down, especially not me. Since of course I’m searching for someone like you.”
“Of course, why else would you be standing here talking to me so long?”
Teresa moved down to the bottom of the stands where Antonio and his new followers were standing. “To tell you the truth brother you are kind of cute and somewhat witty and quick on your feet when it comes to showing off in front of folks that don’t really know you…” Teresa was right down in his face at this point, ready to deliver the final nail in his coffin. “But unless you are planning to update your wardrobe and do something about that shaved monkey nut of a head of yours you really have no room to talk. Besides you know if I’m looking for a Mandingo Warrior like you say you couldn’t possibly be the one for me. For one you need to hit the gym and get some muscle tones in that body of yours and do something about that gut. Your spare tire is wider than your shoulders, instead of looking like a Mandingo Warrior you remind me of that clown the Hamburger from the McDonalds commercial. On top of that, a real woman like myself, seeing all these brothers who are playing football and basketball for the school, I don't think I will ever notice you.”
Antonio was stunned he could not reply Teresa had taken every ounce of fight out of him. She began to walk away and continue on with the registration process. She saw potential in Antonio and knew that any woman foolish enough to be bothered with him would have to be crazy or looking for blessing from God. Because the only way she would ever be able to deal with him for more than five minutes at a time would be with the grace and patience of God.
* * * * *
Antonio was going on about how Teresa never listened to him in the first place and how if she did it was only an act. He carried on for the next minute when he noticed that Teresa had faded out into another world as she often did when he had something to say about their marriage. He did not allow her to stay gone very long as he slowly got out of his chair which was directly in front of the doctor’s desk and made his way to where she was sitting on the couch on the other side of the room. He creeped up to her side and slammed his car keys down on the table in front of her. This startled her and brought her back to the present. In retrospect Antonio should have allowed her to stay in her own world because the moment she arrived back in this one she began to attack him ruthlessly about his behavior as a man and how he does not spend any time with his family. That of course was old news to Antonio and he was tired of hearing about his failures as a father and a husband. It was Teresa’s turn to shed her particular light on their situation. Antonio was never ready to hear the truth about his failings as a father and husband so he decided to sit back and give Teresa the same ear she gave him when he tried to shed some light on their marriage.
* * * * *
Antonio knew he was the outsider in the university politics and an underdog with no one ever believing he would ever have a chance at winning the Vice-President position of the student government. Lucky for him he never considered himself a loser and never really listened to what the crowd had to say about him. He knew he could do it. Antonio was determined to win the election and bring some fresh ideas to his home away from home. He had been here a year already and in that first year he had gained the experience he needed by winning the president position of his dormitory by a landslide. Representing those three hundred men who lived in his dorm gave Antonio the much needed grooming for this much larger responsibility. That leadership position had as an added bonus a seat on the student council where he held a Senators post. In this job he was not just representing his dorm but he had to take care of the needs of all the students on campus. It was a true challenge for him; one that he loved and knew he could succeed and be a winner all in one swift motion.
By this time Antonio had convinced Teresa that in spite of what everyone was telling her, including Audrey, she was going to go against her mind and follow her heart and give Antonio a chance to sink or swim. She decided to become that one woman on campus and in his life that would listen to his dreams. She did not make it easy on Antonio, in fact she made him work for two months straight to prove he was up for the challenge. Considering that he tried to embarrass her in front of her freshmen classmates she was not going to make it too easy on him. Besides Teresa was getting the attention of so many brothers on the campus she did not want to rush too quickly into anything with Antonio considering he may not have been the one for her. Although against her better judgment and against the warnings of all her girlfriends who ever saw Antonio trying to talk to her she went ahead and cut everyone else loose and decided to give Antonio the opportunity to prove his worth. Antonio was happy with that and since it had been a year since she said yes to his offer of love; things so far had not been too bad. Antonio spent a lot of quality time with her in the form of good down home southern quality sex. To be truthful Teresa never really did mind his appetite for her. In fact she liked the idea that Antonio could spend time with someone beside himself.
The workload of this new campaign kept Antonio very busy, which cut into Teresa’s time. She never complained to him because she knew the next thing out of his mouth was that she did not support him, which was never the case. He was a very ambitious brother and Teresa liked that about him and he had plans for his future, which even though they’re a lot of brothers in school at The University not all of them had a plan. So Teresa’s motto was whatever Antonio needs she would be there to help him achieve it or find a way for him to get it. He did not have a staff working with him on his campaign. He was making posters and he and Teresa were hanging them up all around the campus. She helped him with all his speeches and was a sounding board to make sure he did not make a fool out of himself when he got on stage to state his position to the student body. The campaign and their relationship were moving forward and everyone was happy. Even though Teresa would have much rather spent her time with Antonio doing something a tad bit more romantic, she saw the potential in her man and pushed him to reach his potential. All was well until one day Melody, the President of the Chicago Club, an organization of people from the university who were from Chicago, introduced Antonio to a woman that would drive a wedge through Teresa and Antonio's relationship.
This new woman never directly came between Antonio and Teresa, it was more the fact that Antonio allowed this woman to consume his thoughts to the point he neglected Teresa in the midst of their love making. This new woman never knew she had such a profound effect on Antonio and because of his lust for her he lost the direction that Teresa had given him. Teresa provided Antonio with the true North he needed to maintain his moral and physical compass. Antonio would want to lay the blame on Melody forever; after all she introduced this new woman to him. Although she could not be blamed for Antonio’s lack of self control; it all began in the early spring semester of Antonio’s junior year of college and during the time of his campaign. Antonio was passing out his flyers that had his picture and campaign slogan; when Melody approached him with that fatal beauty.
“My fellow Tigers I want all of you to come out and vote for me for your new Vice-President of student government. Take one of my fliers so you can identify me on the ballot and don’t forget about this evening’s debate in the student union.”
“What’s up Antonio, you’re looking pretty good out here and I think you have the ear of the people.”
“Thanks a lot Melody, I’m working the crowd for as many votes as I can get.”
“By the way Antonio I want to introduce you to a fellow Chicago club member, Tanquira.”
“Well hello Miss Tanquira, I hope I can count on you for a vote.”
“Not really, I’m not sure you will be the best person for the job.”
This took Antonio by surprise considering that he was sure that he would not have to work that hard to get the votes from his hometown crowd. He had to take another look at this woman. He knew she was a thinking woman from the way she corrected his assumption and let him know he would have to prove to her he deserved her vote.
“Well believe me Miss Tanquira I’m the best person for the job and I have the track record to prove it.”
“I see you have the mouth of a politician; but for my vote that is not enough and since I’m on my way to class I don’t have the time to stand here listening to you.”
“Wait a minute, can I have a moment to prove my case.”
“No not right now, but you never can tell I may stop by the debate tonight to see who can convince me.”
“Well I can only hope you will show up with an open mind.”
“You can be sure if I do come I will do my part. You just have to be sure to do what you do best.”
“And what might that be?”
“Trying to convince the people that you and you alone have all the answers they will ever need and the best thing they can do for themselves is elect you to office, captain save us all.”
With that Tan and Melody left Antonio standing there with a handful of fliers and speechless. She had done what no one in his entire time at the school was ever able to do; and that was shut him up. Antonio was beside himself with anger at this woman thinking she could stand in his face and try and break him down without taking a swing at him. She threw some heavy stones at his ego and put some holes in the glass house he was used to standing in. Antonio was never one to be bested by anyone, but she taught him a valuable lesson that day. It doesn't matter who you think you are when it comes to getting elected; all that matters is the voter’s perception of you.
CHAPTER 2
The neighborhood Dagan lived in was not a place where a child remained a child. Dagan was forced to grow up fast. The environment he was raised in was a jungle. Dagan did not have the normal formative years that most children experienced. He was reared by his grandmother, he had never known his father, and his mother was a recovering crack addict who had a drug relapse every month. His nana, as he called his grandmother, was a Haitian Immigrant who grew up in Haiti with her grandmother. She was learned in many of the old ways of the Haitian people. She taught him to love the earth and it would protect and feed him and the generations that came after him. It was God’s creation for their survival. That was embedded in his grandmother as a child, she made it her business to learn all she could about the earth and how it could be used to help loved ones and hurt enemies. She felt a deep pain in knowing that her own daughter would never know the beauty of God’s creation. With this in mind she set out to expose Dagan to everything his mind could handle about this part of his heritage. His mother had never been able to give up her dependency for her drug of choice, crack cocaine. It was because of his mother’s dependency on the drugs that Dagan was born a crack baby. It was a miracle that he survived and the doctors were able to wean him off the crack, however, he still had some developmental delays. Dagan’s problems started in school. He was sent to a special school that catered to children with special needs. The teachers had the knowledge and tools available to assist him with his learning disorder. The special tutoring he received allowed him to catch up with his age group. It was not easy for him but he managed to maintain a C average in school which allowed him to play sports which he found would be his ticket out of poverty for him and his grandmother. It was in his junior high school years that Dagan met the person who would become the brother he never had.
They were brought together by the competition and battlefield of the gridiron. It would be the competition of this battlefield that would unite them for life. Dagan was tired of being left out. People naturally fear what they do not understand; he fell into that category. He was always much bigger than all the children in his classes. Dagan decided it was time he used his size and speed to his advantage. He read the notice on the bulletin board that the school's football team was holding tryouts and that anyone who had the grit was welcome to tryout. Dagan took this as an open invitation for him to show everyone that he could compete in this arena. He found his way out to the practice field where the tryouts were being held. When he arrived his presence caused some disturbance among the students trying out. Everyone knew Dagan had a learning disability, it was not as if they did not like him, it was just that none of them knew him. Dagan knew they talked about him behind his back as he made his way through the hallways of school. He viewed the fact that they did not know him as their problem; he would not be denied this chance to play football. It was not only the students; but some of the coaches made their way to where Dagan was standing to see if he was lost. Dagan made his intentions quite clear, he was there to try out for the team and he intended to make the team rooster. The tryouts were open to all students and Dagan was a student.
Dagan was not the only new face among those who wished to become new members of the junior varsity football team. Antonio stood among the crowd in the rear and his presence did not cause any disturbance in the crowd. He stood there waiting on the word from the coaches to let him know what he needed to do to make the team. On this particular day the coaches only wanted to see what they would be working with for the year. They wanted potential football players to run wind sprints for time. Then they would determine which positions they would assign to players. All eyes were on Dagan to see if he could keep up with his peers. One of the coaches decided to put him with the group of young men who would be linemen. When the coach blew his whistle Dagan took off and completed the race before all the boys got ten yards within the line. The coaches were impressed by what they saw, but did not give him much credit. Dagan won his next four races with ease. The coaches narrowed the ten fastest young boys down to their own group and told them to take a ten minute rest before they raced each other to see which one of them would take the title of the fastest man on the team. Antonio was among this group and he was assessing the speed of Dagan. He saw that he was always alert and did not hesitate when the whistle was blown. He took off with lighting speed. Antonio decided to size Dagan up to see what this guy was all about. The only thing Antonio could not predict was Dagan’s attitude toward strangers. Dagan already felt that he was not wanted so, he decided he was going to be the first name on the rooster. Antonio made his way over to where Dagan stood in a corner in the back distancing himself from the other nine who he would compete against.
“So you think you can beat the rest of us?” Antonio came right to point as he sized Dagan up. He did not respond at first, he only looked at Antonio and smiled at the grin of someone who knew his real competitions were not on this field. “Did you hear me, I said…”
“I may be a little slow in my reading and math, but my hearing is better than ever.” Dagan never really looked in Antonio’s direction; he simply continued drinking his cup of water until the coaches called on them.
This arrogance made Antonio a little uneasy; he could not get a handle on Dagan; he had to take him at face value. Antonio decided that when the race began he would get right next to Dagan to try and distract him. At that moment the coaches called all ten of the boys over to get ready for the race. Antonio watched as Dagan picked a comfortable spot then Antonio moved on Dagan’s right side. Dagan was not distracted at all by Antonio choosing to stand next to him; his entire concentration was on the finish line. As hard as he tried he could not engage Dagan in conversation. Antonio stood there for a moment to size Dagan up. He could not help but notice that Dagan was already a half-foot taller than him with hands that overshadow his own. He looked as if he had spent most of his young life on a farm working a hard labor job; his young body had twice the muscle tone of Antonio’s. As he stepped back for a moment and took a hard look at his competition Antonio could not understand why he was not already on the team. Dagan maintained his focus and Antonio became more frustrated. The call came from the coaches.
“Gentlemen on my whistle, get on your mark, get set…”
Antonio tried one more time to get in Dragon's head. “Good luck to you friend.”
To Antonio’s surprise Dagan responded to this comment and it was these words that allowed Dagan to get a step on him. “You are not my friend, I have none!”
“Go.”
Dagan was already five yards off the line before Antonio responded, but Antonio made up only four of those yards. Antonio’s plan had backfired on him and cost him the race. Dagan had shown the entire team he would not be denied the respect he was due. Dagan had beaten the entire football team with a time of four point two seconds in the forty-yard dash. He earned a spot as starting tailback that day. Antonio did not make a bad showing that day. He was the first place loser on the football team, which earned him a spot as starting wide receiver, and back up tail back.
* * * * *
The time she spent trying to work out their problems in the doctor’s office did not help either of them separately. Their troubled marriage did not initially begin with pain and the years were kind in terms of their monetary success. That of course was just not enough for Teresa and it showed in her distaste of Antonio touching her, Antonio could tell his wife was faking the enjoyment of his touch just to keep him happy. She loved that he had maintained his focus in terms of his career, but she hated the fact that he neglected her to achieve the wealth and standing they now enjoyed. She often thought that she would gladly give it all back to have the man she fell in love with. She wished he could find it somewhere in his heart to love her the way he did when they were both young broke college students. Antonio knew his wife because after all they had been together since college in one way or another. Antonio recognized that his wife for all her dislike for him would not want to go back to being broke; she loved the good life too much.
Antonio had been trying desperately to help Teresa cope with the pain she was having adjusting to a new life. Antonio simply looked upon the changes that they were having in their marriage as what married people went through during certain stages in their lives. He felt that Teresa was unwilling to recognize these changes. Antonio knew he only agreed to see this marriage counselor because Teresa let him know that she would be forced to take the baby and leave if they did not get help. It was not his choice, in his view they did not have a problem and no matter what the experts thought he was going to be fine. Antonio was aware of whom he needed to talk to and it was not a marriage counselor. He figured a few words with his partner Chris over a pitcher of ice cold beer and his part of the problem would be solved. On the other hand he did not have a clue on how Teresa was going to fix her end of the problem.
All these thoughts were swirling around in his head when he dropped his wife off on Michigan Avenue. He could not stop thinking about how much he had given up to much of her life she wanted. Antonio would never forget how Teresa would always tell him how she wanted a home of her own and a baby girl by her side. Antonio could recall how she never really made mention of him and to a degree he felt the pain of rejection. How Teresa was willing to leave him out of the equation. He felt the sting as far back as his college days but convinced himself that if he proved himself to Teresa maybe she would include him in her family equation. It seemed that through all that pain standing by his side in the trying college days was his best friend Chris. He never really judged Antonio too harshly for how he ran through the women; he simply warned him that if he did not slow down he may lose the only women who ever gave a damn about him.
Chris was an all around jock at The University. Antonio had traded his playing shoes for sports for the dating game. Antonio still had love for sports and he lived vicariously through his new friend Chris. Although Dagan was there with Antonio and he excelled on the college level in sports Antonio did far better in the classroom. Antonio, Dagan and Chris were like the three amigos for almost two years. They went their separate ways when it came to Greek life, but for the most part only one of them even had a remote interest in ever being involved in any of them. Dagan made some attempts to get notice by the brothers of The Fraternity, and for a while his whereabouts were unknown to Antonio or Chris.
Many of the episodes that the three of them found themselves in swirled around in Antonio’s head as his car moved at a snail’s pace through the crowded downtown Chicago streets. Antonio could not help but be overwhelmed by those college memories from so long ago. He decided that it was time that he reached out and touched Chris considering he was now living in the windy city working as an accountant. Chris was fortunate that he got in with The Company investment firm right out of school and was hired on as an Investment Banker. He had worked four years with them learning the business, but had decided it was time to ease back just a little to get a perspective on life. The pace of the race that was being run at the firm was a challenge for Chris and he loved it; but he woke up one morning and realized he was working one hundred and twenty hours a week at thirty. He left The Company relocated to the windy city and got a job with an Accounting firm.
Antonio had gone to Chris for advice in college and for the last few years he had been doing Antonio's taxes. Their friendship had hit a dry spell but was back on track. Antonio called out for the voice recognition system in his BMW to call Chris at work. The system came alive and the phone dials the private line directly to Chris offices.
“Hello.”
“What’s going on brother?”
“Hey, Antonio, man, what’s up with you? How did the session with the marriage counselor go?”
“It went as well as could be expected considering that neither she nor I gave a dam.”
“What are you saying man, you didn’t make any attempt to get things on the right track?”
“Man, I don't think we will ever be on the right track again. It’s like we have lost our love road map.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
Antonio really had no idea what that meant; he only knew that he and Teresa were in for many more of those saving marriage sessions. The saving of their marriage would depend heavily on the both of them finding it in their hearts to forgive each other for the wrong each of them had done. The burden laid heavy on Antonio when he realized the pain he had brought to the marriage. He could not deny that it was his cheating in college that almost lost him Teresa and because of that, she made him wait a year out of school before she would marry him.
“The love making ain’t what it used to be and to tell you the truth I refuse to put up with that shit anymore.”
“Well, Antonio, have you said anything to Teresa about it?”
“I have and she doesn't give a damn about that. She feels it’s the last thing she should have to worry about. I mean we haven’t had basic sex in a month.”
“Damn Brother I feel for you. I think the best thing for you to do is take some time away from the whole situation and let it cool down for a minute.”
“What do you mean?”
“Tell you what, let’s hit this new happy hour spot I heard about called the Hot Spot. All the young interns have been talking about how it jumps hard on Friday’s after work. Besides Teresa won’t miss you in fact she might like the free time.”
Antonio thought about it for a moment; he knew that this might be just what he needed, to him to make sure he had not lost his touch with the young ladies. It would give him a reason to be out of the house and besides Teresa never asked where he went anymore. She was just happy to have him out of her way.
“Okay, bet, give me a call on Friday at work to remind me. I got to go; I’m pulling into the underground garage.”
“Talk to you later, brother and remember, keep ya head up, peace.”
CHAPTER 3
As Antonio stepped from the elevator of the office of his mega law firm, Lounge, Price, Waters; this had been his home for the last several years. In that time the law firm had grown to represent several wealthy oil rich countries including some East African countries. Antonio was his firm's golden boy and had proven his worth to the company in helping them get many of the East African countries as clients. The receptionist could tell by his expression and the fact that he did not acknowledge her when he walked off the elevator that whatever was bothering him was taking a toll on his day. Antonio could not stop thinking about how the woman he loved could say such things about him considering all the sacrifices he had made for her. He was doing his part to ensure that Teresa’s life was better than when he met her. He stormed into his office right past his secretary and slammed the office door behind him. The thunder from the force he used could be heard clear down the hall of the firm. Antonio went straight to his right bottom desk drawer and pulled out the bottle of the drink that had followed him for the last fifteen years. His trusted and most faithful bottle of Hennessy was always within his reach in his right bottom draw. Antonio had come to depend on that one drink right before a big test in college to help cool his nerves. It worked so well it helped him make it through Howard’s law school and carried over to his current job. It had never been a problem in fact he only had a drink right before a big meeting or big court appearance; he never let it get out of hand.
Everyone knew that Antonio kept that bottle in his desk drawer, but no one was ready to confront him about it as long as he was bringing in the multi million dollar business no one ever questioned him. Deep down inside Antonio knew he had a problem. There were times when he would forget certain details about a case or negotiation. Nothing that would cause his firm’s image to look bad but would make the other side glance twice. Antonio is a professional in everything he does when it comes to business; but in his home life it is not as simple to control. Teresa had never been one to do what was expected of her and this time was no different. The expectations of Teresa and his home life coupled with the stress of the firm have not helped Antonio. In fact it has pushed him over the edge. His drinking continued unchecked would be another nail in his coffin.
Antonio’s secretary rarely disturbed him when she knew he was on the warpath; but she was given instruction by Antonio’s boss for the moment he arrived in she was to contact them. She was further instructed to ensure that Antonio was at his office the moment he came in to work.
“Mr. Stiles, Mr. Waters’ wants you to come to his office as soon as you get in.”
“Miss Neal, would you let him know that I’m on my way.”
Stacy Neal had been with the law firm three years before Antonio got his job. She was not yet a seasoned assistant as far as Antonio was concerned but since she was relatively new and Antonio needed someone to show him what to do and what not to do at the new firm they were put together to help Antonio find his place. The match had been blissful at first, but because of Antonio’s drinking things had gotten out of hand. Miss Neal was doing everything she could to keep Antonio’s drinking a secret from the partners at the firm who would one day vote on making Antonio a full partner. She knew that wherever he went in this firm he would take her with him, he had given her his word. Her work load had increased to the point that she was not only doing her own work; but she was making sure that Antonio was keeping up with him. She had to start checking behind him to ensure he was crossing the T’s and dotting all of his I’s. She was personally amazed that no one at the firm had gotten wind of the fact that Antonio has a major drinking problem. It could be that they do not care as long as he keeps bringing in all the money and keeping them out of court because of their own clients they could care less.
